Comatose Beauty
by sf
Summary: Same old, same old. Sleeping Beauty ported to Saiyuki, featuring Hazel and Gato, the Sanzo-ikkou, and the not-so-happy Sanzo family. Oh, and Kanzeon. [One shot, complete, spoilers, yadda.]


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Obligatory Spoiler Warning

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This fic includes the duo Hazel and Gato, who only very recently appeared on the Saiyuki scene. Specifically, they make an appearance from Saiyuki GUNLOCK 13 onwards, and the June edition of Zero Sum (Even A Worm arc). While this fic contains no spoilers regarding their travels at all, it contains spoilers about the duo's powers and abilities. If you consider this a spoiler, please do not read on.

**Comatose Beauty  
by sf / Scinthion**

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there ruled a king and a queen royal couple.

(_Koumyou Sanzo and Ukoku Sanzo wave._)

This couple had a child, and she was the fairest beauty in the entire kingdom. Her skin was polished alabaster, her hair the rich gold of the morning sun.

When she was born, denizens from all over Togenkyou arrived bearing gifts. Last of all came the three good fairies, who blessed the child.

"She will be wise," Hakkai intoned.

"She will be _sexy--_ _ow_, Hakkai what was _that_ for?" Gojyo said.

Before the third fairy could bestow her gift upon the child, there was a massive clap of thunder. The skies darkened and rain began to fall in sheets. Lightning streaked across the rooftops

(_Homura:_ _Not _more_ lightning! whimpers_)

With a crash, the great doors of the hall were flung open. Several unfortunate guards were flattened. In the doorway stood a vision that few had beheld and lived: Kanzeon Bosatsu coming in from the rain, with her silky top plastered flat against her chest.

Hakkai had to restrain Gojyo.

"And you useless twits didn't think fit to invite me to the birth of my own nephew?!" Kanzeon ranted at the Sanzo couple.

"Niece," Hakkai coughed. No one else responded. They were too busy staring at Hir chest.

Kanzeon glared at Hakkai, and glared at everyone else for good measure.

"Well, this'll teach you not to invite me to parties in future." Se waved her hand and pointed the Magic Finger at the babe. "When he turns 23, he will embark on a long journey to the West and die in the process."

So saying, Se stormed off to raid the buffet table.

The royal couple were aghast. "Oops," Koumyou said cheerfully, puffing on his pipe.

"She's taking all the sashimi," Ukoku observed. "How disasterous."

The last Good Fairy crept forward, and tapped the child. "Getting killed isn't any fun. You'll go on a journey, alright, but you'll have to bring the three of us along, so Hakkai can heal you and Gojyo can bitch at you, and you can feed me. And you'll get your ass kicked lotsa times, but you'll never actually die. Oh, maybe if it's serious enough you'll drop into a coma for ... maybe a hundred years or something." So saying, he wandered towards the buffet table as well.

All went well in the Kingdom for the next 23 years. The royal couple had another child, and the twain fought constantly. The younger grew up with a permanent black eye, while the elder inherited the title of Genjo Sanzo. (This made the younger extremely upset, because she didn't get to be a Sanzo. She named herself Kami-sama and went off to live in her own castle.)

As predicted, at ripe old age of 23, Genjo Sanzo embarked on a quest that is chronicled elsewhere, and the three Good Fairies tagged along, because Sanzo had the limitless credit card.

Then one day, after a particularly nasty fight, Sanzo slipped on a banana peel and fell backwards, and cracked his-- her head against a rock. And as had been foretold, she slipped into a coma.

This coma lasted for hundred years. During that time, the world order changed, Kanzeon got used to observing other contestents on Reality TV, and nothing much happened.

Now, Sanzo had been placed in a bed in a great tower, and she lay as if dead. While she slept, ivy grew up around the castle, barring anyone from entering. As a hundred years drew to an end, it was whispered that someone would be along to lift the curse, and raise the beautiful princess from her slumber--

Sanzo: Alright, I see where this is leading to, and no way in Hell am I going to let that happen. -shoots the typist dead-

Hazel, wandering in from the West with Gato, sees the typist sprawled out dead on the road. Smiling, he raises his pendant. "Saa. Okinahare."

The typist snaps back to life immediately, tackles Hazey, and refuses to let him go until he squeaks that he can't breathe.

So the typist rapidly brought Hazel up to speed as to the curse that Togenkyou's fairest lady was under, and Hazel, being the helpful sort, decided to drop by this castle that was conveniently nearby.

He beheld the ivy covered towerl, where thorned vines barred the way of anyone who would attempt entry. With a shrug, he glanced at Gato. "Ikinahare."

And Gato ripped the ivy away, cleared the vines, and broke down the door. Hazel stepped fastidiously over the threshold. He scaled the steps of the tower, and came at last to the single room at the top. Pushing open the door that had been left conveniently unlocked, he looked into the room.

And there he beheld the comatose form of Genjo Sanzo, fairest in all Togenkyou. He beheld the stardusted cheeks, preserved perfectly for a hundred years under Goku's blessing. He beheld the light glinting off hair of burnished gold. And, being somewhat of magpie persuasion, he sparkled and went: "Oooh. Shiny."

Sanzo: I TELL you I'm not letting him--

And Hazel leaned forward and--

Sanzo: -shoots the typist dead again-

Hazel: -pauses and looks around at the dead typist- "Oh dear. You really are troublesome, Sanzo-han." gestures at both "Okinahare."

And the typist and Sanzo both rose from the dead.

Sanzo grumbled, turned over, and went back to sleep.

"Okinahare," Hazel repeated, vexed.

Sanzo let out a faint snore.

Shrugging, Hazel leaned forward, grabbed Sanzo, and snogged him thoroughly.

Then Hazel had to revive the typist for the third time. The typist promptly hired Gato as a bodyguard.

Hazel and Sanzo were married, and proceeded to live not so happily ever after in the hereto unnamed fic of d00b.

Kami-sama: Damn, but nee-san gets all the luck!

1 Okinahare: Please awake  
2 Ikinahare: Please go  
3 Nee-san: Older sister.

Fic Notes:  
So what if the idea's been done before in the same fashion? It's still a good laugh. ;. This was the result of random firing of synapses caused by a random comment on my fic LJ: www. livejournal. com / users / hazelator 

Said fic of d00b is currently archived at Echoes from the West fanfic archive under the name of 'Elvaron'. ...URL in my profile under 'homepage'. (insert gripe about ffnet formatting here.)

In fact, due to the formatting woes I've been experiencing with ffnet, most of my longer works are going to be archived at Echoes instead: split. infinity. org / saiyuki


End file.
